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Monday, November 05, 2018

The Landzy Land

(Record 1-0-1)

The Riley/Landzy trade is topping the news feeds. The Strawbs acquired a first round pick and signed Landzy to a $50, 4 year contract with the Killer Strawberries. He has 4 years to give the executive 50 bucks.  In the same trade the Strawbs sent burned out has-been rookie past-sensation, Riley Redfur, to the Nasty Cupcakes Sudbury's farm team where his duties include jockstrap repairing and mouth guard cleaning.  The quality of hockey is so poor with the Sudbury farm team that Redfur has been driving back to North Bay on Sundays just for the privilege to play shiny with a few Strawbs.  He is in awe of their caliber of hockey even when they've taken 90% off their game and play one handed.

The Strawbs have played 2 match-ups so far in the 2018-19 season.
First the Flying Hawaiians were taken down in a 4-3 final ending in a shootout.
There were only 7 battle ready skaters able to make the match.  By the second period there were only 6 left for which to scrap with the pineapple huggers. Magboy, covering for the several missing defense,  incurred 3 game infractions to earn him a seat in the stands. It is no surprise that fake referees targeted Mags, especially one particularly short zebra.  From Magboy's new vantage point, the stands, he could observe and evaluate the old and new talent's abilities to handle the current situation of trailing by 2 goals, contending with a short bench and missing their best player.  

In typical Strawbs fashion, we gave up the lead early.  It usually takes until the second period for the glucosamine pills to fully absorb and then the offense kicks in.  Of notable mention was the play making of our top offensive defense-man Wendel who wired a wicked wild wrist'r within the wickets to whoa the witnesses watching while Lenny wept.

By the last minute of play the Strawbs tied the game and forced a shootout to the bewilderment of the Hawaiians who by now had crude oil soaked wings and were about as helpless as a 1 legged senile chicken ridden with botulism (Moose takeout).

5 rounds of sudden death shots later and the Strawbs retired the evening undefeated in a 4-3 win.

The Strawbs had a full bench in their next match against the Boozers. All rusty cylinders were firing, and the match went back in forth with scoring. Magboy was well behaved, no sin bin trips, saving his energy to be the offensive catalyst of play making for the top Turnaround and Slickery executive power line.

The second scoring line of Landzy, Thug, Roussy and Hatrick Harris enjoyed their on ice admission to Landzy Land.   The Landzy Land, known as an event, is also a location situated anywhere between the opponent's goal line and Landzy's stick, when he has the puck.   As the Hawaiians and the Boozers have found out, they didn't have a ticket to Landzy land as the new rookie lit up the red light on a few dandy occasions.

Turneraround and the Mayor had tripped and misapplied their strengths on so many Boozettes during the match that there was bench talk about a Me-too movement.   It never materialized as all parties involved agreed that their behaviour paled in comparison to how Philly Cheese Skates treated the fairer gender.  

The score at the end of the 40 ish minutes was 4-4.  Too bad Freight Train Laronde had retired his rail road tie hands long ago or that would have meant post game pitchers for everyone at the expense of the legendary steamer.
With no promise of free fermented barley water, no one gathered at the terminal tavern. Not even the Thug.