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Sunday, December 07, 2014

Pajama Man's 40th Birthday

Some Killer Strawberries joined up to help Pajama Man celebrate his 40th birthday.

Friday, December 05, 2014

Killer Strawberries 2014-2015

Here are this year's Killer Strawberries.

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Game report (6-4-1 record)

Strawbs 2 - Easton Infected 3

In recent history, the Brew Crew smoked a few HackDarts and played rough with the Easton who caused a Master Bladder Infection when they should have been Load Slinging or feeding the Mongeese.

Last night the Strawberries, with only 5 skaters + goalie (the minimum), had a great chance of winning against the Infected.  The only opportunity for rest was to perform a deed worthy of a slow glide to the Sin Bin where your BPM was sure to fall below 200 for only a few minutes.  3 Strawbs played the whole game while the other 3 warmed up the seat next to the time keep.

The EF squad of 12+ players failed to cease this game as a sure win. The Strawbs have the ability to play at the other teams' level, to rise to the challenge and play with competitive plasticity. You give it 100 when you need 100 or give it 60 when that's all you need.  

6 absent players decided that ZERO was good enough. Homework, workwork, dental distress, mental arrest and watching dancing with the stars on US timeshift were among the reasons for missing the game.   Playing hockey is supposed to be one of those events that you don't miss unless you have misplaced your heart beat,  lost a few limbs or failed to change your clock back to daylight savings time.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

A Hit Below the Crossbar

Game report (4-3 record)

Strawbs 1 - The Load Slinger 0 (with a slight case of carpel tunnel)

Regrets tonight were Dr Thug (suffering from a wind tunnel testing injury), Shiny and Riley Motors.  

Their jerseys were menacing like Viper's jet from Top Gun.  In this story Goose did not die, and the ice man wasn't an egotistical hero supporting antagonist rather simply a solid water resurfacing engineer. Enough with 80 classics.  The Straws hit them below the crossbar and earned a 1 nothing game early.

Marquis came up large on a few key occasions playing a great positional game in net.  It was once said that Marquis de Save can be as reliable as a good quality toilet paper. 1

Fortunately for us, the Load Slingers, whose evening practices occur in front of a mirror, couldn't put it south of the cross bar on most open shots. Philly Cheese won 103% of all face offs including 2 from the bench. Sarge and Ken kept on the pressure nearly scoring every shift with Ken play-making the only assist of the game winning goal.

Slick and Mayor Maynot "didn't" but that's OK because most of their time was well spent killing time trying to score through a log truck spill of sticks that lay'ed across the shooting lanes and crease.

The big stars tonight were the short staffed defense. Credit goes to The Vice, Fiss'erman Bro and Charlie Tango.  Bravo to you in November, lets go drink some whiskey..... hope you echo that. 

It was too early to go anywhere but home and consume anything beige.... anything.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Network cable Unplugged - IMW write up from the past

Killer Strawberries 1 Battalion 1

Game Report

November 30, 2011

Record 7-1-2

This game was so indescribably dull that the new paint in the lobby of the Pete Palangio Arenas refused to dry for the benefit of those fans who could not stomach watching the horror show unfolding on ice pad #1.

Pyjama Man must have known a stinker was in the forecast and, consequently, did not bother to show up for the match. And, although he was somewhat present, Sir Gawdawful Gumby, did not bother to show up either. He must have bathed in some kind of super-soporific before gracing the ice complex with a complex of his own.

Gawd was, in the words of a long time Strawbs’ fan, an abomination wrapped in a disgrace. This reporter believes he caught a glimpse of Gawd’s not-so-distant-dotage in which our anti-hero will be shuffling, single-socked and diaper-filled, about his third rate nursing home in search of the remains of his mind.

Not only was he counter-effective on the evening, he and his defence partner, whose own performance lacked more than a smidgeon of je ne sais quoi, took shifts so long that they had to shave each time they returned to the bench. There is gumbying, which is occasionally forgivable, and uber-gumbying, which is never so.

Dash Flashinger continued his frustration, missing frequent opportunities to score his first goal of the year. The Ice Marshal is considering elevating him to a position on his opposite wing in order to help him break out of his scoring virginity. “The kid has ability” stated the team’s handsomest man. “He just needs to move his hero-worship from Uber Gumby to someone, anyone, more appropriate.”

Between the pipes, The Marquis DeSad, finally had a good game, more or less.
After the game, those who played well reconvened at the Terminal Tavren to discuss potential moves before the upcoming trade deadline. But as someone noted” We ain’t gonna get anything for him anyway.”

4 Steamwhistle, 6 Muskoka Cream, 1 Bud, 2 Granville, 5 lbs of chicken scrotums and a lot of head shaking were consumed.

Friday, October 03, 2014

2014-2015 Season Opener - Oct. 6, 2014

Everyone is scheduled to play the Monday night's season opener except a tentative Gawd.
As we look forward to a face off, Gawd will look down from above a roof off.   I hope you can pull your equipment out from under old drywall and make it to double rinks for 8pm Monday, Oct. 6.

Welcome to the new rookies Riley and Chris.  There will be no pre-game hazing, but contractor Gawd will be handing out 2 pairs of work gloves.  As per Strawberry ritual, you will help out your fellow team mates with what ever home improvement project is in the works.  When that project is complete, putting a new roof on Gawd's house for example, then your rookie period is officially over and you are considered a full Strawb.  You can choose to wear your hockey helmet on the job site.  Good luck and see everyone at the game.... hopefully Gawd too. (As that will give us 2 full lines)

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Strawbs 1/2 golf rain out 2014

It was un-unanimous whether to golf or to be warm and dry. Some die hards decided to brave death and play 4 holes of golf. It was free as long as they signed a waiver not to sue the course for near drownings during game play. My dry hat off to you. Otherwise Strawbs, which included the new executive, held a meeting and played some shuffle board at the local legion. In great spirits and for great spirits, all joined at the terminal tavren for post off-season awards and a bite to eat. Here are some photos of the evening.


Friday, February 14, 2014

This Year's Strawbs

This year's Killer Strawberries less Dr. Thug and Philly Cheese.

Thursday, February 06, 2014

First Tie of 2014

Game Report (1-0 record)

Killer Strawberries 5   Mighty Ducks 5

Jan 30, 2014

Magdad returned to the line up, after missing his only game not due to a life threatening surgical procedure. (The Butcher's services were turned down several times) His absence was due to a mandatory meeting with a new fan for the team. It will take months of training before she is ready to cheer properly.  

Magdad's return provided the much needed motivation in order to compete with the feisty Ducks who were no doubt aiming to provide the Strawbs with their first back to back set of loses.  Slick made the board with many assists and a nice mesh bender.  Much of the offense came from our defense who pushed the play past the blue line on several occasion.   Before the buzzer Mayor's line tied the game up with a trick shot from the team's most improved player, the tunnel boring play maker sometimes know as FISSUREMAN.
You can't tell this by the score, but the Marquis continues to prove himself playoff worthy and perhaps the team's MVP.

To my knowledge no one regrouped at the terminal tavren or ate avian meat parts or drank southern Ontario swill.

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Long winded and short handed

Game Report (1-0 record)

Killer Strawberries 4 The Puckers 2 Crusty

Jan 9, 2013

It wasn't hard to see from the bench that the absence of players left enough room to invite the entire Oahu Humuhumunukunukuapua'a Strawbettes cheer leading squad to the Home box.  Of course the 3 spare players probably wouldn't take their shifts so the executives advised against that. Sorry laddies, executive party appearances only!  

The self induced injury list continues to pile up and reek havoc with line match ups.  Its best to pull names from a hat and get to the face off circle accepting your draw.  After the puck is dropped players seem to gravitate toward their dream positions anyway. Most games we start off with 5 forwards and then by the second period end up with 5 slow deference. Fortunately the "Marquis de save a la diskette" prefers the crease area despite pulling centerman out of the hat.

Slickery is out.  With a hockey stick, he amputated his own apendics and ate it. Apparently observing the Butcher's patented hockeystickectomy paid off.   Slickery's naturopath had advised him that the only way to cure appendicitis was to eat your own appendics. So far it has been a low carb success. The gaping hole isn't healing so well. 
Get better Hannibal!

Philly Cheese is out.  I heard it was a freak turkey carving accident.

Get better PC.

Shinny is out.  After his recent trip around the world and coming in contact with 1000's of sporting event urinals he finally caught the swine flu (hotdog flu) and about 10 other mutated viruses. It should be cleared up by the end of the Olympic men's hockey gold silver final. Before your return from Sochi Dr Thug needs an OK from the CDC. 
Get better and Go Canada Go!

The rest of the squad does not need mention in this write up. We were there and toughed out a short bench yet again. By the end of the game the Puckers couldn't contain their geriatric contempt but that's the way we like them to end. The same as it ever was.  

It was too late to consume anything but 91 octane for the ride home.

Under the watchful eye of  Ice Marshall Walpole (Ret.), the Killer Strawberries extended its early season winning streak to six wins and 0 losses.  In typical Strawbs fashion, the team played to the level of its competition, and in this particular case, it was anything but a beauty.  Out chanced, out worked, out muscled, out lucked, but not out scored, the team eeked out a win by one goal.  Suffice to say the Strawbs were not overly happy with their play, but all were quick to note "a win is a win."  They were probably out quoted by the opposing team as well.

Most of the vets retired to the terminal tavren following the game to enjoy anything but re-hashing the game.  As has been the case all season, no rookies were invited to the post game soiree.  The usual lies, drinks and food were consumed.