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Monday, November 28, 2016


Every now and then he gets a little bit stronger
and his skating ability can be found

Every now and then he gets a little bit tired
Of picking himself up off the ground

Every now and then he gets a little bit nervous
That the best of all the years have gone by

Every now and then he gets a little bit terrified
When he sees the look in Devuono’s eyes

Turnaround (Turn-er),
Until we get to ‘B’ division
Fall apart

Turnaround (Turn-er),
Until we get to ‘B’ division
Fall apart

And we need you now tonight
We facken’ need you more than ever
And if you’re not there the lines will be tight
Even if you’re under the weather

Not only will you make it right
We’ll be playing hockey….
….together we can take it to the end of the year
Despite your real skill being drinking Wacky Wing’s beer….

We don’t know what to do,
That includes offense, defense and Mark
We’re playing like garbage, without any sparks

We really need you tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight
Forever’s gonna start tonight

Once upon a time we were playing in ‘A’
Now we’re only falling apart
There’s nothing we can do
When we play with a bunch of old farts

Once upon a time there was a goal light installed
Now when they score it’s just dark.
Nothing we can do
When the gear is set to park

--Marquis de save

Monday, November 14, 2016

From Draft to De Saved

Nov. 10, 2016
Strawbs 4 - Load Slingers .999  

Down 4 Strawbs.  Ankle Turner potted his first goal as a Strawb on a nifty deke move while Dr. Thug cemented his 130441st goal since the Holocene period began but only his 8432nd since Yahweh flipped his staff around and wired the first fig into a fallen dragon blood tree.  It's also noteworthy that the puck from Dr. Thug's first goal was found at the layer of sediment between Holocene and the Pleistocene period, so it is possible that he was playing hockey much before that.

The Mayor also nested a dandy goal procured by his fine glass like footwork which he had developed through countless hours at ice capades' practises. Maboy slipped a dandy reacharound goal past the slanky net slinger who was slung out to dry by his defence.  Sarge and Rossey were bearing much of the defensive load to shut down any chance of the Slingers slanging. They may have accidentally interfered with the offensive duties of the power forwards and assisted on a few goals. They are forgiven.

If not for sloppy tongues, the Strawbs wouldn't have filled the sin bin leaving the majority of the work to the seldom appreciated Marquis de Save who only faltered once during a 5 on 3.  The Marquis' recent re-draft from the Nasty Cup Cakes, the Killer Strawberries' farm team's farm team, has obviously paid off. And let it be known, that as long is the score is in our favour, the executive will hold it's keyboard on written lashings and humorous derogatory similes.   

A few devout Strawbs convened late at the Terminal Tavern.  2 baskets of junglefowl, 1 Norther Ale, 2 Mill Street organic and 1 water with lemon were consumed. 

Wednesday, November 09, 2016

Still 2 to 1 after a recount

Mongeese 2 Strawbs 1
(Record 2-3-0)

Half of the executive was missing along with the entire 3rd line.  When they return they will be moved to the 4th line, and Dr Thug will single handily shift the 3rd spot and likely kill any disease or adolescence that moves.   The missing Strawbs were off to explore their partisan antidisestablishmentarianism south of the boarder at the Aloha Baby Compound in Oaho.  For 89 bucks, transportation to and from the compound was provided. Paid for were meals, including the famous Humuhumunukunukuapua'a, and chips served with a gallon of mayo, drinks and diabetic medications.
Accommodations were in Oaho at the Ice Marshal's very own suits which often resembles the hotel room scene from Hangover 2 the morning after a huge party. That S$#@ does not come off.

While these 4 deserve to be tossed under the campaign bus, the rest of the Strawbs deserve credit for upping their game against the infamous Madgeese.

On defense, Mayor Maynot and the executive's own luminous Magboy were nothing shy of  exemplary.  When on the ice, goals against were as locked in as divide by zero mathematics.  Fans flipped sides and started voting cheering for a new luminary leader and his Vice replacement, a sure sign of a bright future for the Mayor.  The other D's performance would only be notable had Magboy not dropped back to redefine the doctorate of successful defensivenessisiousity. But this top exec was also making the saves, and if the the Ice Marshal was reporting, he would say Magboy was as dependable as a 2 ply sheet of Bounty absorbing a spill of strawberry koolaid. Oh Ya!

Despite the score, the Strawbs led the game for the first period. The first marker was notched by the youngest addition, Stashery, the current front runner for the top rookie award.
Pyjama Man, back from his Astroville Hockey commissioner role, was as effective as an above average intelligent mule hyped up on coffee battling a case of restless leg syndrome.  

If not for Gristly son of Thorin, who was on hand to unseat conventional wisdom with calls straight out of the playbook of Donald, perhaps the end result would have been different. On one occasion he coasted through the legs of Turnaround Tuner and halted an otherwise normal play like Hefner sending the janitors home before bed time at the mansion. He once ordered a bewildered Mongoose to go back to the corner and fetch his teeth before he would allow play to commence. 

Only overcooked reef trigger fish, potato cuts, turbulence and Bruce Springsteen's greatest hits were consumed somewhere over the Pacific.

Wednesday, November 02, 2016

Jager on the Carpet

Oct 31 2016
Strawbs 4 - Jager Bombers 6
(Record 1-2)