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Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Game report (6-4-1 record)

Strawbs 2 - Easton Infected 3

In recent history, the Brew Crew smoked a few HackDarts and played rough with the Easton who caused a Master Bladder Infection when they should have been Load Slinging or feeding the Mongeese.

Last night the Strawberries, with only 5 skaters + goalie (the minimum), had a great chance of winning against the Infected.  The only opportunity for rest was to perform a deed worthy of a slow glide to the Sin Bin where your BPM was sure to fall below 200 for only a few minutes.  3 Strawbs played the whole game while the other 3 warmed up the seat next to the time keep.

The EF squad of 12+ players failed to cease this game as a sure win. The Strawbs have the ability to play at the other teams' level, to rise to the challenge and play with competitive plasticity. You give it 100 when you need 100 or give it 60 when that's all you need.  

6 absent players decided that ZERO was good enough. Homework, workwork, dental distress, mental arrest and watching dancing with the stars on US timeshift were among the reasons for missing the game.   Playing hockey is supposed to be one of those events that you don't miss unless you have misplaced your heart beat,  lost a few limbs or failed to change your clock back to daylight savings time.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

A Hit Below the Crossbar

Game report (4-3 record)

Strawbs 1 - The Load Slinger 0 (with a slight case of carpel tunnel)

Regrets tonight were Dr Thug (suffering from a wind tunnel testing injury), Shiny and Riley Motors.  

Their jerseys were menacing like Viper's jet from Top Gun.  In this story Goose did not die, and the ice man wasn't an egotistical hero supporting antagonist rather simply a solid water resurfacing engineer. Enough with 80 classics.  The Straws hit them below the crossbar and earned a 1 nothing game early.

Marquis came up large on a few key occasions playing a great positional game in net.  It was once said that Marquis de Save can be as reliable as a good quality toilet paper. 1

Fortunately for us, the Load Slingers, whose evening practices occur in front of a mirror, couldn't put it south of the cross bar on most open shots. Philly Cheese won 103% of all face offs including 2 from the bench. Sarge and Ken kept on the pressure nearly scoring every shift with Ken play-making the only assist of the game winning goal.

Slick and Mayor Maynot "didn't" but that's OK because most of their time was well spent killing time trying to score through a log truck spill of sticks that lay'ed across the shooting lanes and crease.

The big stars tonight were the short staffed defense. Credit goes to The Vice, Fiss'erman Bro and Charlie Tango.  Bravo to you in November, lets go drink some whiskey..... hope you echo that. 

It was too early to go anywhere but home and consume anything beige.... anything.

Monday, November 10, 2014

Network cable Unplugged - IMW write up from the past

Killer Strawberries 1 Battalion 1

Game Report

November 30, 2011

Record 7-1-2

This game was so indescribably dull that the new paint in the lobby of the Pete Palangio Arenas refused to dry for the benefit of those fans who could not stomach watching the horror show unfolding on ice pad #1.

Pyjama Man must have known a stinker was in the forecast and, consequently, did not bother to show up for the match. And, although he was somewhat present, Sir Gawdawful Gumby, did not bother to show up either. He must have bathed in some kind of super-soporific before gracing the ice complex with a complex of his own.

Gawd was, in the words of a long time Strawbs’ fan, an abomination wrapped in a disgrace. This reporter believes he caught a glimpse of Gawd’s not-so-distant-dotage in which our anti-hero will be shuffling, single-socked and diaper-filled, about his third rate nursing home in search of the remains of his mind.

Not only was he counter-effective on the evening, he and his defence partner, whose own performance lacked more than a smidgeon of je ne sais quoi, took shifts so long that they had to shave each time they returned to the bench. There is gumbying, which is occasionally forgivable, and uber-gumbying, which is never so.

Dash Flashinger continued his frustration, missing frequent opportunities to score his first goal of the year. The Ice Marshal is considering elevating him to a position on his opposite wing in order to help him break out of his scoring virginity. “The kid has ability” stated the team’s handsomest man. “He just needs to move his hero-worship from Uber Gumby to someone, anyone, more appropriate.”

Between the pipes, The Marquis DeSad, finally had a good game, more or less.
After the game, those who played well reconvened at the Terminal Tavren to discuss potential moves before the upcoming trade deadline. But as someone noted” We ain’t gonna get anything for him anyway.”

4 Steamwhistle, 6 Muskoka Cream, 1 Bud, 2 Granville, 5 lbs of chicken scrotums and a lot of head shaking were consumed.