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Monday, October 24, 2016

Results from effective team management

Strawbs 4 Boozers 2

The Killer Strawberries pull off a classic strawberries win under the leadership of the new executive.  It goes without saying that leaders lead by example and not by pointing in the direction of the goal. Unfortunately some of our rookies still need that kind of direction.
Shinny Sean, with his certificate from an online hockey course entitled  "Get your honorary hockey PHD for 39.99",  played the Box Plus One defensive zone system.  Fortunately the Boozers can't count that high and without a calculator on hand they were no match for this system.

Brought up from the nasty cupcakes (the killer strawberries farm teams farm team) Throne Laronde covered the crease like a tuck tape window sticky side out. 

On the offensive front due to Shinny's relentless badgering of Magboy's lack of scoring, Mag immediately notched a beauty. Turnaround Turner, who was battling 3 Boozers in the corner at the time, sent a laser pass to the streaking Magboy who deflected it in off his bare shine. 

The fire was lit at both ends and not a moment too late as the bad drunks began agitating our 6ft+ enforcers.  Slickery, known for his financial advice, was offering free checking accounts for insubordinate boozers. On a poorly executed pick, Turnaround Turner dropped a boozing Boozer refusing to be losing.

In the end it was the strawberries coming ahead with 2 goals as a result of the offensive wheel style breakout plays and other tricks learned through the online Hockey PHD course.  The bonus motivational WAV files also helped.

It was too late to consume anything but savery victory smothered in winners sauce.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Strawberry Excrescence - Season Can Opener 2016-17

Chiefs 10    Strawbs 3
(Now almost undefeated)

With the retirement of 2 seasoned Strawbs both born before vietnam, the team's median age plummeted by at least 30 years.  It would be closer to 500 but our steadfast Dr. Thug, born during the spanish inquisition, has yet again proven that cadaver parts are useful and respond well to cold conditions such as hockey arenas.

The retired Vice and Gumby were the last of the original Killer strawberries to have partaken in 32 years of glorious losses, improbable victories, smelly dressing rooms and jokes so bad they continue to merit repeating at every possible opportunity.1
They will be missed for there lack of movement both on and off the ice.  As Marquis DeSave put it, "I miss how they slowed down the game. I mean they don't move very much."

The team's new unappraised talent debuted tonight and we welcome JoeFresh(Joey), Stashery(Jesse), Neal and Andre (monikers TBD) and Warren Peace who has returned to play hockey after a brief career as a professional sports hypnotist on extended leave from the Nasty Cup Cakes.   He has convinced himself several times that he can play hockey and they are finally letting him prove himself terrible at hypnosis. He did finally quite stick handling, a nasty habit to kick.

The game started and ended much like the bluejays loss tonight against their Chief opponents.  We fell behind mostly due to Marquis DeLethargy's reminiscing gaze sometimes peering off into the distant centreline where the strawbs did seem to be returning quite frequently.  He seemed to be looking for shadows of his former defensive duo, who use to saunter and lumber about the offensive zone checking anything stupid enough to skate with-in an arm's reach.  Marquis' longing for slow motion plays, those distant memories of after school road hockey on cool summer nights failed to draw his attention to the net thirsty chiefs who pounced the crease like wild animals on raw meat.  
There were brief moments of scoring ingenuity by our very own Slickery, Neil Hatrick Harris, Neal the playmaker and the new blood and Shiny-protoje Stashery.  If not for the curse of Lenny the score would have been 15-10.

The team convened at the Whacky Tavern to consumed water, budweiser, New Ontario Beer (some on the floor, table and chairs) and to speak of their first loss as learning experience.