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Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Survival Mode

Game Report

Ramrod 6 Strawberries 2

October 23, 2008

A heavily depleted Strawbs squad faced a smooth skating bunch of testosterone-infused Luffwaffe recruits in a game where survival was the goal. Why so depleted? Gawdawful Gumby was in Toronto spreading dog manure on government carpets as an act of revenge aimed at a world which daily conspires to underpay and overdemand of him. The Butcher was attending “A Find The Inner Feminine” hands -on seminar at an exclusive spa in the Caledon Hills, accompanied by a mysterious woman believed to bear a striking resemblance to Miss White Go Go Boots' second cousin. Apparently, the Butcher was successful in finding some Inner Feminine…but we only have his uncorroborated word for that.

Dr. Thug skipped the game to drive to Ottawa to help his son, Richard the First, complete a late Physics assignment, which both of them ended up failing anyway. Shiny Sean was also a no show, having been told by the house mistress that he couldn’t go out to play until all the vaccuming was done at home. As everyone knows, Shiny was once frightened as a child by a door to door Kirby vaccuum salesman who attempted to introduce Shiny to a secondary use of this amazing appliance. Consequently, instead of carrying out the domestic order, he hid in his closet at home until his wife left for work the next day. His status for the next game is unknown.

But back to the game. To those intrepid Strawbs who braved the strafing by the erswhile Luftwaffe, the hockey world salutes you. Yes, you were tired. Yes, you were demoralized and yes, you all finished more weak-kneed that a double-duty hooker at a Shriners’ convention. Yet, you persisted to the bitter end.

After the match, the customary trip was taken to the Terminal Tavren, where knees were rubbed and rubber shrapnel removed from bruised egos. We had survived.

4 Guinness, 2 Stella, 4 Bud Light and a little A535 were consumed.


Anonymous said...

a little known fact ... the Vice once sold kirby vaccum cleaners, for a week.

Anonymous said...

Seems to me the Ice Marshall regaled the Hooter Girls with tales of his Grandfather's days as a Fuller Brush Man and a certain "Little Black Book", bequeathed him by said Grandfather!Apparently this "Little Black Book" not only had names, but reports of his performances...err SALES", from back in the day Maybe the Vice was using Bob's grandfather's "technique" during his "heady" week as a Kirby salesman?


Anonymous said...

By the way Bobby I neglected to mention that your reporting was top notch as per usual! Pretty good for an Orphan boy.


Rob Greenfield said...

yeah, well, too bad he can't keep up to date - still missing Monday night's game and tonight's game is looming.

Ice Marshal Walpole said...

Thank you Hooter Babe for your kind words and perceptive wit.
As both you and Anonymous know, the Vice was once a door to door Kirby sales rep. His motto, "Nothings sucks like my product" was legendary and still holds true today.