Strawbs Go A Little Rough on Beavers

Killer Strawberries 5 Turbo Beavers 1

Game Report

October 28, 2010

For the first time this year, the Killer Strawberries iced a full complement plus Gumby as it faced a squad of meatheads, otherwise known as the Turbo Beavers. They were more like Turbo Cleavers, given these dolts’ propensity for spearing, butt-ending and cross checking. Somehow they managed to have only 2 of their players ejected for being egregious monuments to fatuity.


The Strawbs started off slowly . For significant moments early on, they were handcuffed in their own zone and had to rely on the stellar play of the Marquis DeSave, who had to handle more rubber than a Bourbon Street hooker on the first night of Mardi Gras. Normally, a Strawb would welcome a little light handcuffing but things are different at the rink. Somehow the Strawbs shook off the shackles of ineptitude and finished period one strongly.


The first period ended in a 1-1 draw. It was in the second that the team awoke. Led by a rejuvenated Shiny Shone Brightly, the squad quickly began to light up the board and did not look back. Well, almost all did not look back. There was Sir Gawdawful Gumby living down to his moniker. Apparently, a short shift for him consists in floating inside the opponents’ blueline, no matter the location of the puck anywhere on the ice surface, and waiting for 2 and one half minutes to elapse before sauntering back to his bench for a well earned earful. Apparently his sustained fit of pique at being commandeered into an offensive role has got management talking about returning him to his preferred perch on defence….or to Buttface, Alaska, home of the team’s farm team’s farm team, the Buttface Bottom Feeders.
The final score was 5 to 1 Strawbs. They now get to play the Turbo Beavers’ dumber cousins, the Turbo Powered Aholes next Monday. Lovely.


Post game, the squad shuttled off to the Loose Moose, a local watering hole named after one of the current Strawb’s former girlfriends. It will become the New Terminal Tavren, the team having abandoned the old Terminal Tavren, whose new ownership refuses to subsidize any of the Strawbs’ multifarious vices. So long and thanks for all the fish (and nips).

2 Stella, 2 Guinness, 2 Keith’s Dark, 5 Kokanee, 3 Blue Light, one pound of chicken wings and the sweet taste of re-subsidization were consumed.