The Magic Never Leaves

Strawbs   9                   Predators   1

Game report

October 17, 2012

Bolstered by the return of Freight Train Laronde, who had missed the first game of the year due to a conflict with his monthly pedicure treatment, and by the return of the team’s spiritual leader, the handsome Ice Marshal Walpole, the Strawbs put the boots to a shocked team of pimply Predators.

The forward lines were firing on all cylinders except for MagBoy, who, although he played extremely well, managed to miss 5 sure goals. As his friend Gumby, a man noted for his casual understatement in all aspects of his life, noted “last night the MagPie couldn’t have found his own ass with both hands and a spotter.”

Warrin’ Peace was on fire. He flitted about the ice determined to erase, in one game, all the crappy play which had plagued him in the 2 previous seasons. And he succeeded. Smoother than an Ex-Lax enema and faster than his first premature ejaculation, Mr. Peace was outstanding. His only goal was a thing of beauty: toe drag, head fake, right dart and poof, the puck bulges the twine.

The normally glaring holes in the defence were temporarily plugged by the unusual good play of the blueline corps. Despite having only three sets of gloves for four people, the defenders switched equipment with all the practised ease of a Mormon polygamist. It is true that Sir Gawdawful Gumby did send four or more errant passes up the middle of his own zone for easy pick off by the Predators, yet this number was way less than predicted by the Executive just before game time.

The Marquis DeSave shone in net. On one memorable play, he managed to give the puck a concussion as it pinged off his dense bean into the mesh above his net. Reports filtering through at press time indicate that the puck is recovering nicely.

After the game, everyone went right home to bed. No Scotch, no Leaf Trail Pumpkin Ale or other sarsaparillas were consumed.