Looking In The Mirror

Killer Strawberries    4    Casey’s    10

Game Report

November 29, 2013

Record: 3-5-3

Despite the lopsided score of the last night’s game against Casey’s, the Killer Strawberries acquitted themselves well. The squad skated hard, generated numerous scoring opportunities and made its opponents earn their victory. It should be noted that Casey’s is made up almost entirely of Chancre College’s Varsity hockey team. From the Strawbs’ bench, it was like watching a younger, less handsome version of themselves, sort of.

The goaltending was vastly different from end to end. While he played a little better than the Marquis DeSave had in his two most recent outings, the Strawbs’ pickup goalie, tending the pipes for his second consecutive game of the evening, looked tired and more interested in the cold poutine he had placed on the top of his net. Casey’s goalie was stellar, robbing Strawb after Strawb with a quick glove hand or a well placed skate, or so contended Dr. Thug. Perhaps it was the Oxycontin talking.

The best play of the night belonged to Dr. Bonehead Butcher Brophey, a competitor so fierce, he once gnawed off half his own ass to streamline his body for more speed... unsuccessfully, of course. As an unsuspecting Caseyer came screaming down the ice, one on one, the luckless speedster attempted to beat the Butcher to his right. The attacker did not properly anticipate the well-placed hip which sent him flipping to the rafters and the Butcher to the Personality Box. The Strawbs captain asked the referee to increase the penalty to 6 minutes to mark the splendour of Dr. Brophey’s achievement.

Although he specifically asked this reporter not to mention it, the Ice Martian scored two goals and had one denied because of poor referee placement. "It's a team game" saideth the IM. "Wish we had one."

After the game, the squad reassembled at the Terminal Tavren to fete the Butcher and to decide whether to recall its hapless goaltender, now languishing in Buttface, Alaska. The Executive has reserved judgment.

4 Hops and Bolts, 5 Steamwhistle, 2 Guinness, 2 Granville somethings, 7 pounds of soggy wings, a large flying saucer of nachos and memories of youthful speed and dexterity were consumed.