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Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Killer Strawberries The Legend

Dedicated to Mississippi Mills of the Mississippi Mills Trailer Park and Charm School, a comforter and friend of all things athletic.

The following announcement appeared mysteriously in the North Bay Nugget classified ads under the heading "Coming Attractions" on September 13, 1986. Attempts to trace the party responsible for the ad have proven futile.

Adventure of a Lifetime

Inaugural Formation of the Killer Strawberries Gentlemen's Club. 6:30pm Sharp, September 15, 1986, IOOF Hall, Cassells Street, North Bay, Ontario.

Interested parties are instructed to consult the Scottish Dialectic Dictionary housed in the library of the venerable Ancient Carnoustie Gentlemen's Sports Club, Carnoustie, Scotland, a copy of which is currently on loan to the North Bay Library.

The copy of the dictionary in question, the only extant copy known to mankind, was shipped out of the North Bay Library at the closing of business on September 15, 1986 and perished in an unfortunate maritime disaster in the North Atlantic on September 19, 1986. A recent visit by a former yet still virile member of the Killer Strawberries Hockey club to the library at Carnoustie unearthed the following definitions:

Killer: (definition #4)
OS (Old Scots), 1325 AD, helplessly handsome or gifted.

Strawberries:(definition #2)
OS, 1547 AD, addicted to hookey.
On September 15, 1986 at 7:37pm at the IOOF Hall on Cassells Street in the City of North Bay, 12 adventuresome spirits, chronic misspellers and punctual underachievers, one of whom unexplainedly showed up with a bag of partially inflated soccer balls, answered the cryptic missive by attending the Inaugural Formation. They christened their new alliance "The Killer Strawberries Hockey (sic) Club". Over the years, there have been a few personnel changes, unresolved murders (related to a controversial change in bylaws opening the membership to the other sex) and clandestine meetings. Very few have been asked or will ever be asked to join this august body. All that can be said is that, with the existence of the club, the world continues to be a better place.