THUD
Feb. 27, 2006 - Game Report

Dreams of playoff glory came to a sudden, unexpected halt last night, as the Strawbs found themselves on the short end of a 5-3 game (1 empty net goal) against a team of 500 Aviators bent on trying to atone for the National team’s loss in Turino.

At the post game rehash at the Terminal Tavren, no single reason could be found for the failure to advance. As a matter of fact, except for Butcher Brophey, who missed his 10th game in a row in order to attend his deportation hearing in Ottawa, all the Strawberries were effusive in their praise of their team mates, even to the point of bald faced prevarication. Pyjama Man, who had the game of a lifetime (an aardvark’s lifetime) told The Torch that his defence was immaculate and shiny. Gawdawful Gumby noted that Magnesium Boy (formerly known as Magnesium Man) had the best taped sticks on either team. Magnesium Boy responded that Gumby was his hero sans pareil, and as such, his words meant so much to him, that he was dedicating his next game to Gumby’s everlasting honour. Freight Train was of the opinion that just being in the company of so many illustrious Strawbs made the beer taste colder and the nachos spicier, even if they just finished stinking out Palangio Arenas with a performance worthy of the Togo national under 5 hockey team. Since nobody could remember where Togo was, it was taken as a compliment and Freight Train’s health toasted forthwith. The Ice Marshall congratulated Smokey Hill on his efforts to cut back to 5 packs a day (including 1 between periods of most games) and on his serious addiction reduction work while he toiled for a short time with the Nasty Cupcakes in January. As everyone knows, the Ice Marshall has been able to almost overcome a serious addiction of his own, namely his tireless promotion of world peace, social harmony and the pursuit of justice in all its many splendored forms. He is down to 15 hours per day do-gooding. Dr. Thug, a karmic victim this year of some terrible bodychecks from the girl he creamed into the boards 2 years ago, was just happy to remember the names of his team mates, having suffered 45 concussions in his storied career, 4 this year alone. He makes Eric Lindros look like a sissy. Jon Jean John (Yawn) was praised for making the mesh bulge brilliantly on a breakaway in the first period of the game. Unfortunately the mesh was that nylon stuff they installed behind the nets to keep wayward pucks from leaving the rink. The Love Glove, impersonating the Invisible Man, did not make it to the Terminal Tavren because his mom made him go home to clean his room and wash behind his ears. He was certainly the cleanest player on the Strawbs this year and will most assuredly be receiving the team’s coveted Mr. Sterile Award at the club’s end of season “do” at Vice Ice’s Compound For Wayward Adults. Butcher Brophey, a surprise non-contributor in the club’s last 2 games, was proclaimed the team’s best foreign traveler and will most certainly need his peerless voyaging skills as he rides the club’s farm team’s farm team’s bus across the Yukon next year. And finally, what can be said about our goaler, Jesse “Sprunga Leak”, that hasn’t already been said. It’s always the goalie’s fault. Gumby said it best... "mal qui est qui mal y pense".

6 jugs and 1 large humble pie were consumed.

Next game: wait by the phone.