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Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Cows on Banjoes

Game Report
January 15, 2007

Blades of Steel 5 Strawberries 2

It was a well played game….full of superb passing, selfless backchecking and deft goal scoring….by the other team. According to Gawdawful Gumby, “We were terrible. I was terrible. I haven’t played this badly since yesterday. I think we need to dig down deep and refind the game which got us here. Anyone seen my jock?”

A better question would have been “Has anyone seen Butcher Brophey?” The Butcher was inexplicably absent from game. Has he got something going on with the team’s #1 fan, Miss White Go Go Boots? Stay tuned to this space for some startling revelations over the next couple of weeks.

Freight Train Laronde was even more blunt than his defencemate Gumby. “The Strawbs played as ineptly as cows on banjoes, bees on guitars, and jam on unbuttered toast.” The rest of the squad agreed with the first two metaphors but are still scratching their heads over the reference to jam. It was duly noted by Dr. Thug that Freight Train is still recovering for his post Christmas gonad replacement and that he is not entirely responsible for his faulty analogies.

The Vice Ice lamented having personally adopted the Consolidated Rushing And Playmaking system he had seen on Hockey Day in Canada last Saturday. “When Don Cherry talked about the system, it sounded good. I t didn’t realize it was a joke...on me. The CRAP system really is crap and I will return to what I used to do before…hook, trip, impede, goad and pray.”

Wanderin Warren Peace, a Tolstoy devotee and former Mr. Wikwemikong South, too, was philosophical about the evening’s setback. “When things didn’t go right for Anna Karenina, what did she do? She didn’t quit. Oh ya, she did. She threw herself under a train. But her funeral was nice. We can all learn from that.”

On the bright side, the hockey humiliation occurred while the Strawbs were wearing their home green uniforms. This means of course that they remain undefeated in their fetching new white and red away sweaters. As the Ice Marshall so sagely noted, “There is always a silver lining and it is always darkest just before dawn when the cows on banjoes come home to roost at Aloha Baby Compound.” With these encouraging words, the team engaged in warm team hug (metaphorically of course) and those who were not wimps assembled later at the Terminal Tavren for a good natured round of bonhomie and jovial jousting. The Universe was again at one with itself and peace reigned supreme.

5 Kilkenny, 1 Guinness, 2 unmanly light beer and something called Pepsi were consumed. An unsound post game trend seems to be developing and needs to be nipped in the buds.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Nipped in the Bud????
What's yer point?