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Saturday, January 13, 2007

Strawbs Pound Pink

Game Report
Strawbs 6, Rec'n Crew 2

January 11, 2007

The Strawbs started off the 2007 campaign with a resounding beating of a team disguised as flamingos. Their pink jerseys, an excellent colour choice for silky lingerie and stomach relief products, clashed badly with the Strawbs’ new red on white away sweaters, designed by our own Vice Ice over the Christmas holidays. Apparently the new colour scheme was inspired by too long a look in the mirror the morning after one of his Gumby-assisted forays into the well-stocked liquor cabinet at 105 Viceroy Road. Whatever the inspiration, the Strawberries looked fetching.

Archilles Perron, formerly known as Achilles Perron, returned triumphant after recuperating from some frivilous, self-induced ailment, scoring one beauty and assisting on 2 others. His linemates, Magnesium Boy and the Ice Marshall, were duly impressed with the rejuvenated Archilles and are hopeful that all their hard work in making Archilles look good will pay off in future.

The lesser line, centered by Pyjama Man who was flanked by Dr. Thug and Wanderin’ Warren, contributed nicely to the victory and may some day reach the level of expertise and grace demonstrated by line #1. All it would take is for Pyjama Man to hit the net more than 11% of the time, for Dr. Thug to crush more girls face-first into the end boards and for Wanderin’ Warren to spend less time “quality time”with his fiancee just prior to game time. Lovey dovey is fine and has its place, but the Strawbs need full manly strength at every game on every shift.

Speaking of full manly strength, the Vice Ice had all of his, as he scored his second goal since October. He unleashed a blistering drive (by his standards, of course) which somehow snuck under the hapless tender’s pads and actually “slammed” into the metal at the back of the net. “Slammed” may be a slight overstatement, but some Strawbs on the bench at the time of the goal did report a faint metallic sound emanating from the far end of the rink contemporaneously with the goal. The sound could also have been attributable to the tinkling of Freight Train's new brass gonads, a Christmas present from his wife who claims they help attract pickerel . Speaking of Freight train…he recovered nicely from the blueline undressing he took in the first minute of the game to make a solid contribution on defence. It would have been nice to say the same about Butcher Brophey who was once again late for the match. Apparently, he had to retreat to his car 2 minutes before game time to put in his contacts and freshen up his mascara. As if he couldn’t have done this at home.

Jesse The Leak was excellent between the pipes and seems to have benefited enormously from his short stint with the Nasty Cupcakes over the holidays. He will be allowed to start the next game on Monday at 9pm against the Blades of Steel.

Buoyed by the victory, the Strawberries retreated to the Terminal Tavren for some post game braggin’. The event was well attended except for Jesse The Leak, who still believes that alcohol is evil, Archilles, who claimed he had to get to bed early, and for Freight Train Laronde, who told the club he is frightened of the new metal detectors recently installed at the Bull & Quench.

6 Guinness, 4 Bud, 2 Kilkenny, 1 Coke and ½ a friggin Pepsi were consumed. This cola phenomenon is not something of which we are proud.

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