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Monday, October 31, 2005

Strawberries Pull One Out Of The Pumpkin Patch

Game Report
By Ice Marshall Walpole

In keeping with the spirit of Halloween, the Strawbs disguised themselves as the Killer Pumpkins in their tilt last night against a spooked squad aptly named the Crazy Puckers. In donning the highly flattering orange "away" jerseys magnanimously provided by the league in its infinite wisdom, the Strawberries waited until 19:56 of the final period to put away the game in a hard fought 4-3 battle.

Playing with the opposition (and, of course themselves) has become a favourite team pursuit, second only to the post game quaffing and unabashed exaggeration to be had at the terminal tavren (yes, tavren) of choice, the highly touted Bull & Quench, home of the $40 Guinness.

Pyjama Man Gibbons led the squad with his first hat trick and treat of the season, which stellar performance included the winning goal on a lovely swoop to the net. This performance should quell, at least for the short term, those rancid rumours which attributed his lackluster output so far to a lack of attention at home and/or a serious over the counter drug problem.

Butcher Brophey continued his strong case for demotion by racking up a less than impressive minus 2 within the first 40 seconds of the game. To stanch the bleeding caused by his poor play, No Knees removed himself from the game soon thereafter. It was not lost on the Executive that, with the beleaguered defenceman's withdrawal, the Strawberries outscored the opposition 4-1 the rest of the way.

Rob "The Torch" Greenfield landed the best full body block of the evening saving a sure breakaway but leaving the team short for a lengthy 3 minutes. His claim of "accidental body contact" is starting to wear thin with both his teammates and the ever vigilant zebras.

The game also saw the return of Freight Train Laronde, who missed the last Strawberries match because of a scheduling conflict... a conflict between
a) the official hockey schedule showing the right place and time for the game, and,
b) the reading challenged defenceman's left brain which failed to communicate with his right brain.

As a result, Mr. Laronde has been forced to resign his presidency of the Nipissing Ltterricy Sosiaty but is still welcome to skate with the team.

Smokey Hill, whose shot found the opposition net on at least one occasion last evening, continues his quixotic quest to have smoking allowed on the benches and during on ice lulls in play. We wish him luck and hope he gets his way before he succumbs to lung cancer. ( The team is currently weighing his unusual request to have RJ Reynolds and the Marlboro Man as pall bearers should the need arise)

The first star of the game, chosen by an independent panel of hangers-on, was once again Ice Marshall Walpole who narrowly edged Pyjama Man for the coveted honour. He certainly was not chosen for his play, which was described by one casual fan, as haphazard, sloppy and vainglorious. This writer suspects it was his good looks and attention to strategic detail that tilted the balance in his favour.

Next game is set for Thursday, November 3 at 9:30.


Anonymous said...

I was Player of The Game. You know who I am. IMW is a tyrant and always votes honours to himself while the rest of us do all the work. I would tell him to his face but he is so intimidating.

Rob Greenfield said...

Obviously the IM lacks the skills to be brief, concise and to the point in his game reports, much like his play on the ice: skate all over the ice surface to the point of exhaustion, lose the puck after making more than one extra move in an attempt to get to the corner, and then assault the oppossing goaltender in his crease. Oh yeah, then award himself the "player of the game" award. Good thing no such award exists.