Steamroller

Game Report
February 12, 2007

Strawbs 13 Aviators 0


In front of a standing room only crowd of 2 rabid fans, the Strawb juggernaut continued its winning ways last evening, stomping all over a demoralized squadron of whiplashed Aviators. Jesse The Leak set the tone early with a superb glove save in the first minute, once again showing why he is the team’s number one netminder. For the rest of the evening, he stymied the opposition with timely stoppages, some of them spectacular.Rumours were rampant that he will be signed to a long term contract, good through February, 2007.

The Strawberries squad was rewarded frequently for its recent adoption of blitzkrieg hockey, rolling over its lines and defence pairings in rapid fire fashion. Freight Train 444 potted 3 on the evening, 2 of them deliberately. Pyjama Man, feeling that his team scoring crown could be at risk, also elevated his game and netted 3 himself. It was lovely to see him return to form, after too long a hiatus attempting to imitate his hero, Tie Domi.

Magnesium Boy, under the watchful eye of his leash controller, the incomparable and unopinionated Magnesium Girl, found the twine once or twice, thus completing his Valentine’s gift to his enamorata. We hear his reward will come on March 21, 2007, which is S & BJ Day, the male equivalent of Valentine’s Day.

Warrin’ Peace claimed to have added two markers of his own until it was pointed out to him that goals scored during warmup only count as half. It did not seem to matter much to his personal fan, Samara Desert, who missed all his goals while embroiled in a heated discussion with Magnesium Girl on the thigh slimming merits of low fat yogurt.

Others also contributed to the goal total directly. Still others were content to play a disciplined game of strong forechecking, backchecking, tape to tape passing, front of the net clearing and tie ups, and highly effective defensive rushing, as exemplified by that new found scoring machine, Whoahorny Richardson. Whaohorny attributes his resurgence to the healing powers of prune juice and A535, a balm he splatters upon his ravaged body so liberally, he has been asked to change in another dressing room. “It smells like Cassellholme in here!” ejaculated one unidentified wit.

Many of the players and both fans repaired to the Terminal Tavren to discuss the parallels between Schopenhauer’s theory of Will To Power and the team’s recent return to barn burner hockey. Somewhere along the line, the discussion got sidetracked and Warrin’ Peace was abruptly notified by his leash administrator that he was to be married on June 30th of this year. The ever helpful Gumby inquired of the stunned Warrin’ whether he was aware of the upcoming event. The diplomatic Warrin’ mumbled something about “the tyranny of a dictatorship”, pecked his fan on the cheek and excused himself with haste. We are not sure where he went for the following 10 minutes, but we suspect it may have been to change his underwear.

4 Guinness, 3 Corona with lime, 1 glass of white wine from the Bonfield region, 1 Blue, 3 Bud, 2.5 Stella, 2 Steam Whistle, 5.5 Kilkenny, 3 lbs of chicken wings, 1 supersized bowl of lowcal perogies with bacon and sour cream and some unexpected, bowel-disturbin’ bonding-for-life news were consumed.