Game Report
November 8, 2012
Killer Strawberries 2 Barn Muckers 5
Record: 1-3-1
It was almost universally agreed upon by the two Barn
Muckers fans who attended last night’s tussle between their team and the Killer
Strawberries that the Strawbs’ new hockey socks were a lovely addition to the
overall team outfit. “The colours were spectacular” gushed Muffy Black, a
lifelong Barn Muckers puck bunny. “I really liked the way the red, green and
white details flowed into an amorphous mass of unparralled sartorial pulchritude,
accenting the lovely lower limbs of even the least handsome of their players...#4 I believe.” Mittens Basel-Johnson, another
Muckers follower was not quite so effusive in her praise but did venture to say
that “the new socks were pretty-ish but I’m afraid they looked a little too busy
to me...a bit like something a meretricious woman of elastic morals might wear
for an evening out across the tracks. Can I get pantyhose in that design?”
Unfortunately, the new socks were the only highlight in an
otherwise dull outing by the Strawbs. The squad is off to its worst start in 15
years. According to a scathing press release sent out while the team was
showering after the match, “The Executive will closely examine last night’s game
tapes to help determine what actions need to be taken to ensure that the Killer
Strawberries regain some semblance of their previous gloriousness. There has
been far too much off-ice tom-foolery which, obviously, has translated into
on-ice ineptitude. We thought that the gift of new Stevie Wonder/Madonna-designed
socks might revitalize the players, something which the Hawthorne experiments
of the 1930s seemed to suggest. Either we or Hawthorne or both were wrong on
this one. Perhaps a couple of demotions to the Nasty Cupcakes are in order
instead. Suggestions on who might benefit from a change of scenery have been
pouring in from fans and team mates alike. Once Aloha Baby Compound Playdates, Pamela
Anderson and Sophia Vergara, have been consulted, a decision in this matter
will be forthcoming. No one is safe here except the Ice Marshall.”
After the game, a coterie of undaunted Strawbs reconvened at
the Terminal Tavren to discuss fashion and other topics of urgent concern.
Butcher Brophey was toasted on his 63rd birthday and voted “Most
Likely To Pull Up His New Socks If He Can Reach Them.”
2 Coors Light, 17 Guinness, 1 Granville Island Ale, 6 pounds
of shaped poultry parts and a whole bunch of Movember fashion suggestions were
consumed.
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2 comments:
Slickery should play in both leagues for the practice.
Slickery, per se, is not the problem. The problem is....is a lack of fashion sense...and moral lassitude.
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