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Saturday, November 12, 2005

Rehab Gets Fallen Strawberry Out Of A Jam
Game Report, November 10, 2005

Mike "Gumby" Pettigrew made his triumphant, post rehab, return to the Strawbs last evening by contributing a dubious yet lyrical assist and some semi-solid defensive play in the team's 5-2 victory over the Dirty Stallions, a testosterone powered powerhouse bent on dethroning the first place Strawbs. "Gumby" also filled the big skates of an injured "Butcher" Brophey in another capacity by taking a boneheaded penalty with the game's outcome still much in doubt. A team player would have sucked up the flagrant "testicle massage" for the good of the team and exacted revenge out the zebras' sight at a later and more opportune time. The Executive, viewing the game from its annual retreat in Hawaii, was pleased with its "Gumby" reclamation project and remain cautiously optimistic that the detoxified Strawberry can stay away from those elements which almost caused his fatal descent into ignominy.

Graham "The Love Glove" stepped up his game when promoted to the team's top line alongside the highly effective "Torch" and the ever dangerous "Ice Marshall". Spurred by the presence of his mom and dad and his most recent probation officer, "The Love Glove" had a 3 point night, highlighted by a seeing eye goal which stumped the stunned Stallion's stopper who had to contend with the menacing shadow of Freight Train Laronde as he lurked just outside the crease, unmolested, his breath smelling heavily of watered down Aqua Velva. There is something about an Aqua Velva Man.

The one game scoring streak of Frank " Pyjama Man" Gibbons, his longest of the year, came to a screeching halt as he seemed to be more interested in hearing the sound of the puck striking the glass than actually finding the back of the net as he was taught at the Strawb's last dry land training session. The Executive believes that a stint with the club's farm team in Smuckers, Pennsylvania, may not be too far in the offing.

Jon Jean Jawn looked more like Emmanuel Sandhu at the 2002 World's than the mean scoring machine he touted himself to be at his inaugural recruiting session at the Bull on August 23, 2003. He failed to complete at least 3 loosely patented Savardian Spinerama moves but, to his credit, did manage a somewhat anemic goal to put the Strawb's up 4-3 at a crucial time in the game.

Jesse "The Leak" continued his stellar play and will be allowed to stay with the team until they can find someone better. "Magnesium Man" has suggested he might fill the role but was quickly reminded of the 10 year goaltending ban imposed on him last season by the cruel but benevolent Executive. "Smokey" Hill did nothing to distinguish himself. He had better remove himself from the spell of his new Svengali, "Pyjama Gibbons", before his game deteriorates much further.

Post game debriefing held at Casey's. 4 Ovaltine, 3 Shirley Temple's and 1 warm milk were consumed.

Next game: Thursday, November 24 at 8:45 pm.

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