Search This Blog

Friday, November 04, 2005

Wily Vets Veto Voracious Mooser Victory Designs

Game Report
Killer Strawberries Hockey And Gentlemen's Club
By Ice Marshal Walpole

Despite prognostications to the contrary by experts in the field of hockeyology, the Killer Strawberries continued their winning ways with a magnificent, come-from-behind victory over a hungry squad of rabid Moosers, the best dressed team in the league by a wide margin. And not just any come-from-behind victory either! Once again, the Strawbs were victims of the kind of absenteeism currently rampant in Rob The Torch's Friday morning classes and all of Butcher Brophey's classes. With a meager reserve bench strength of 2 (or less when hammered with another flagrantly incompetent call by the Blind Zebras from DeVuonoland), the Strawbs overcame adversity to notch, in the words of one long time observer currently residing in a lock down unit at the north end of North Bay, the sweetest victory since Pyjama Man Gibbons overcame his over the counter drug abuse problem and turned his life around.

Jon Jean Jawn, using his loosely patented Savardian spinarama move, perfected in the countless wee hours of a rather poor and cold and dull Kirkland Lake upbringing, finally found the back of the net, a spot not unfamiliar to the above mentioned Pyjama Man who also scored to keep his one game scoring streak alive. The surprise of the evening came when Magnesium Man Buchwald, whose last name, translated from the Low German, means something like "the little strip of scraggy hedge in the front yard that dogs and drunkards like to piss on on the way home from the Gasthaus", put the Strawbs up for good with a deke move that can only be described as difficult to emulate in a gravitational field. Magnesium Man was so impressed with his unusual exploit that he found it necessary to repeatly regale the post game attendees with accounts of his prowess, which accounts became more outrageous with each telling. Should the final version of his story make it out to an unsuspecting public, let it be known that:

a) his leg was not broken,
b) there were not 16 guys piled upon his back from the blueline in, and
c) he did not nudge the puck into the net with the loose set of false teeth he was wearing, which false teeth were supposedly inherited from his Oma on his mother's side.

Jesse The Leak played his second best game of the year and has been invited to return for the next match on November 10, having copped First Star Honours and all.

At the post game festivities, attended by Freight Train Laronde, the "pissed on hedge guy" and Ice Marshall Walpole, it was unanimously agreed that girls have been, for the most part, a fine addition to life on this planet and that the Bible was originally written in Aramaic, Greek and Hebrew by Carl Sagan. Four jugs and a plate of natchos were consumed.

Next game is November 10 at 9:30.

No comments: