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Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Corrosion Explosion-Oct 30

Blades of Steel Blasted 8-3

Game Report-Oct. 30, 2006

Wanderin’ Warren (WW1) picked a great time to join the Killer Strawberries Hockey Club as the team continued its winning ways with an 8-3 romp over the Blades of Steel. Wanderin’ Warren was placed on the top line alonside a refreshed Vice Ice and the wily Ice Marshall Walpole, so that the rookie coould experience hockey as it was meant to be played: swiftly, hard-nosedly and with just a soupcon of muted malevolence. At the end of the game, WW1, gasping for breath after trying to keep up all evening with his smooth skating mentors, declared “I never expected to be so challenged. The VIM and IMW may be a little soft around the middle but they are pure business on ice. They must have lungs like Beluga whales.” While WW1 may have missed a few biology classes in the past, there was no doubting his hockey perspicacity and acumen. He has been invited back for the team’s next game.

The Strawbs’ defencemen showed flashes on brilliance, some of them occurring during the actual game. Gumby potted an insurance marker with a deadly dipsy doodle dandy, a move he has not used since…well, never. Freight Train 444 repeatedly stymied opponents with his albatross reach and Butcher Brophey, as agreed, remained on the bench most of the night, removing small traces of vital organs from his .hockey stick.

The second line contributed one or two goals of dubious distinction and will certainly have to pull up its collective socks if the Strawberries are to maintain their reputation as respected and feared hockey statesmen. One thing is for sure: no more tequila shooters between shifts for these guys. It may have worked in the past but could lead to nothing but trouble in the future.

Jesse “The Leak” was both outstanding and instanding over the course of the match and made up from his mistakes by promising to buy the first round should he ever join the team at post game debriefings. When queried about the reason for his perfect record of no-shows at the Terminal Tavren (yes, tavren), “The Leak” pointed out that his continued academic success was “dependent upon my strict adherence to proper diet and keeping all aspects of my life in balance”. Dr Thug, ever so helpful, pointed out that a grade point average of 1.2 hardly constituted academic success and that, furthermore, there was more to be learned in the company of the august gentlemen known at the Killer Strawberries than could be learned in 3 lifetimes spent at the feet any Dalai Lama, Teacher of The Year or perhaps God herself. With that gentle rebuke, “The Leak” headed home chastened yet wiser, secure in the knowledge that he had the privilege of playing with one the world’s truly great hockey teams.

At the Terminal Tavren, Dr. Thug’s health and wisdom were toasted, as were the assembled members at closing time.
2 jugs of Guinness, 2 jugs of Keith’s,16 chicken wings and some damn fine philosophy were consumed.

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