Warrin Gets Scorin’

Game report
November 2, 2009
Killer Strawberries 6 Body Czechs 1

After 6 months of self-imposed hibernation in the sweat lodge on the edge of Aloha Baby Compound from April to September, 2009 followed by 3 games of free floating, mindless wandering about the frozen pond at Pete Palangio Arenas, Warrin’ Peace finally showed up in grand style for a match against the cancelled Czechs. Playing on one of his offwings, he combined flawlessly with a gritty Magboy and a speedy Bing! Crossbar to score 3 first period beauties using the new half-slapper/changeup/knuckler shot he developed earlier this week in his Garage of Bad Ideas. It was about time as management was wondering whether his Hawaiian lethargy was a long term problem to be cured by a stint with the team’s farm team’s farm team, the Butthole Bottom Feeders. It is hoped Mr. Peace will continue his torrid pace. Apparently and fortunately for the team, certain favours he receives at home are dependent upon his future on-ice production.

Bing! Crossbar was also a force to be reckoned with on the night. His passing has been coming along nicely to complement his fast paced game. He appears to be another in a fine series of excellent draft picks by the astute Executive and he may someday acend to the lofty heights of the first line.

Shiny Sean was pressed into forward servive for the evening. Since he was already familiar with every inch of the opposition’s zone, including the office area directly behind the othe team's net, he was a natural in the new, albeit temporary,position. With team orders to reduce from his diet the vast numbers of double bacon cheeseburgers smothered in Extra Fat Mayonnaise he voraciously consumes daily , he might be able to turn his offensive game up a notch and thus be allowed again someday to center the swift Archilles and incredibly handsome Ice Marshal with whom he skated effectively last night.

The defence (Freight Train, the Vice and Gawdawful Gumby at his near gawdafullest) was rather a disappointment but that was to be expected given their advanced ages, surly attitudes and less than optimal off-ice lifestyles. A little more effort could have prevented the Czech’s only goal with 14 seconds remaining in the game, resulting the loss of a shutout for the Plug, who otherwise played very well behind a squishy D.

It should be noted that fan attendance was at a season high of 2, with Bootsey MagGirl and the Field Marsha offering encouragement to their team and well placed barbs aimed at the refereeing abomination known as His DeVuononess.
Post game most of the players and all the fans adjourned to the Terminal Tavren (yes, Tavren) for some game analysis and well deserved sarsaparillas. Shiny unveiled his unauthorized design for a the new team jersey that looked busier than Miss White Go Go Boots at a Shriners convention. Many changes were proposed and summarily dismissed by Mr. Shiny.

2 appletinis (one with too much ice in it for the picky Bootsey who looked resplendent in her red squirrel fur vest complete with dry cleaning tag from 1999), 6 Bass, 2 Keiths White, 6 Guinness, 5 Stella, 1 Gatorade, 1 Bud and some dubious design advice were consumed.